Apr 27

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This is something new …

Conversly rejected Jericho with a won’t be able to use it response and a link to this page. This could start a new trend in electronic rejection. I think that it gives a better idea about what might have been wrong with the submission, though a little more detail might have been helpful.

Off to start the new job at WallyWorld this morning. I guess you have to start somewhere …

Apr 25

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TYSBAS now at 1000 words. A milestone. Moving along now, the story is crystallizing, and the characters are coming to life. I love to write when it’s like this!

Looks like I will have two jobs! One during the day doing contract computer repair and WallyWorld nights and weekends. Just have to make sure that I leave time for the good things in life.

Apr 24

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Despression and diabetes make horrid bedfellows. Now the medication that I take for depression is causing my blood sugar to spiral out of control. All of which brings back to mind some of the questions that I am currently wrestling with. What’s in this for me? What’s the benefit that I am supposed to be getting out of life? What’s my purpose here?

Maybe these questions can’t be answered, or maybe the answers are unique to each questioner. I just don’t know, but I’m going to keep asking.

On the plus side, it looks like I’ll start a new job at Wal-Mart soon. Mixing paint. What the Hell, it’s a paycheck. The employee discount should come in handy.

Today’s music includes: Quadrophenia by The Who and Meat Loaf’s Bat Out of Hell. Sometimes the soul just cries out for some good old-fashioned rock-‘n-roll. I have also recently fallen in love with Kate Price. Very Celtic with a hammered dulcimer and an Enigma-ish drum line. Very cool.

Can’t sleep and trying to lay off the sleepy pills some because they leave me so drugged the next day. Now is a good time to get to work on “Though Your Sins Be As Scarlet”.

Apr 22

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“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! Turn and face the strange.”

Change. That’s the theme in my life right now. I’m on my way to another job interview right now. It’s just Wal-mart, but it’s a job. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, this job won’t pay much and will probably interfere with my Codependants’ Anonymous meeting and my new exercise schedule (which I just started last night). On the other hand, it would be an income and a a Wal-mart discount, which would both be invaluable right now. It would take some pressure off, and I would be able to devote guilt-free time to writing.

On that subject, I have started serious revision on “A Time To Every Purpose” with an eye towards getting it submitted somewhere before the week is out. I also joined a vampire story crit circle over at Forward Motion for Writers. This will give me a kick in the butt toward finishing “Best Teacher” and “Though Your Sins Be As Scarlet” and a reason to make some serious progress on that fershlugginer novel that keeps bugging me so.

Current reading: Quest: a guide for creating your own Vision Quest by Deborah Linn. Fabulous and highly recommended for those who have any interest in the shamanic traditions. It is at the same time visionary, inspiring and practical. This one will have a permanent place in my heart and my collection.

Apr 17

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Okay. So what I am learning right now is that depression does not heal itself, nor does medication alone make it altogether better. That being the case, then I guess I’ll just have to learn how to live with this and heal myself.

I think that one of the greatest problems with modern-day life is the lack of rituals. In previous civilizations, there were ritulas that marked the milestones of people’s lives, but they have fallen out of favor in latter days. I think that that is a serious failure in our society. We have no way to measure ourselves except by the amount of money we make or the possessions that we have. This, of course, leads to a highly materialistic culture and a disregard for spiritual, or soulful, matters. I miss ritual in my life. Organizaed religion provides that for some, but leaves me cold. One of the things that weighs most heavily on me is that I am standing at the mid-point of my life, looking around, and I have no way to measure my progress or my worth and, in fact, no idea of what goal I should be striving to reach. This feeling of floundering in a trackless swamp is slowly overwhelming me.

And so, the final question always come down to this: what’s in this for me? A purposeless life is not worth the constant struggle. If material success is the only measure, then I can only class myself as an abject failure. Not only can I not provide myself and my wife with a decent living, I cannot provide any living at all right now. If there is any other answer, I can’t see it. So the search continues — at least for a while.

Current reading: Conversations with God, an uncommon dialogue: Book 1 by Neale Donald Walsch. Fascinating reading. Contains lots of good insights and much to ponder.